i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
