last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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