what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
two words: eviction party
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
