he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize