she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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