...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
