Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
