Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
