my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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