dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am spending my child support on dildos
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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