do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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