if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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