One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
