Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
