My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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