can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
