i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
