so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
