I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
