No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
