You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
