capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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