lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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