I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
