She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
