She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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