for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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