do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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