I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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