So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize