went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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