How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
