i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
