You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
