Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
