Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
