This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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