if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
