Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
