a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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