Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
