I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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