An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
