you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
