dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
