Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
