i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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