Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
