Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize