Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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