Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
