but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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