you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
