Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
