i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
