I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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