I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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