i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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