My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize