Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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