im gay
i know
yea but for you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
