I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize