Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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