the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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