i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
