Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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