I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
